Reflections on life, marriage, and purpose...by a young woman who is constantly learning how much there will always be to learn!


Friday, November 04, 2005

Children


I have been asked what I believe about birth control and having children. At first, I did not know if I wanted to publicly discuss this on my blog! But then, I thought, why not? Many people have fervent beliefs about this topic, but I am most interested in seeking the Lord's heart on this matter.

Here's what God's Word says about children:

Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
Psalm 127:3-5a

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Ps. 139:13-16

This is where my beliefs derive that anything that harms children, whether born or yet unborn, is wrong and against the character and will of God. It is God who gives life, and we are to accept children as His wonderful gift. From the moment of conception, that little being is known and loved by God. We are to be good stewards of the children God may give us, but we do not own them! How can we own another person? Children belong to God and are His little treasures.

Obviously, these verses provide a firm stance against abortion! A woman does not own the child within her, and does not have the authority to end that little one's life. I also believe that, according to these verses, we are not justified to deliberately do anything which has the potential to harm a child. Because of this, my husband and I have decided that we should not use chemical birth control, such as The Pill. Many people will argue that there is no proof that The Pill will cause an abortion. I, myself, was on The Pill early during our marriage, and used to try to justify it with the argument that "it probably won't cause an abortion to happen to me...the chances, if there are any, are slim!" But I realized that it was my fear that was guiding my decision...fear that I would become pregnant at "the wrong time". I knew I needed to study and pray about this area, rather than just taking the "ignorance is bliss" route. Upon studying a bunch of medical information, I concluded that there is evidence that the Pill can be an abortifacient. I don't believe I can take that chance, however big or small, and be within God's Will. There is also enough other information about what The Pill can do to a woman's body to make one squirm. I decided to stop taking The Pill, with my husband's support.

Now what about other forms of birth control, such as the rhythm method or barrier methods? This is where I believe that the issue becomes a more personal thing between God and the couple. God is all-powerful, and could certainly overcome any of our attempts to plan our own lives if He chose--in which case, we must accept His will. But is it wrong for couples to make attempts to plan for children, just as we plan for everything else? Are there ever valid reasons to do so? I'll be honest. I just don't have a black and white answer on this. I do know that God is in control, no matter what happens. And I do know that I want to trust Him with this area of my life. My husband and I have made this a current issue of prayer and consideration. We are in this journey together, and we want to be open to God's leading as we go.

If and when God blesses us with a child, I will welcome His gift with joy! I cannot imagine anything more wonderful than to be a mother to one or more of God's own children. It makes worldly pursuits pale into shadowy nothingness. The only thing that matters in life are the relationships we build with God, our families and others. There is nothing else.

6 Comments:

Blogger Crystal said...

Erin: Although I think you know where we personally stand on this, I think that the most important thing is that you and your husband are seeking God together on this, wanting His best. He will continue to lead and direct you through your husband. As a new mommy, I can tell you that it has been one of the most blessed experiences of my entire life. I have grown and matured so much through it and had to cry out to God for much grace and strength. I'll look forward to sharing our journey of motherhood together in the not-too-distant future, should the Lord see fit to bless you and your husband with children.

11:04 PM, November 04, 2005  
Blogger Marie said...

Dear Erin,
In some ways I am a person quite different from you. Yet, you remind me of myself, many years ago. My oldest son will be having his 19th birthday this month. He is in another distant state right now, actually, the very state that he was born in. I am so proud of him. I have four more here at home. I love them also, and I am proud of my younger ones as well.
I got married at almost 23 years of age. My year of marriage, was 1983. My birthday was coming up in a couple of months to turn 23.
I had NO understanding about abortions, or how the pill worked on a woman's body. Nothing. My husband had two years to go in his college, and I was working. We didn't feel it was very sensible to have babies, that was all we had on our minds at the time. We were in love, I was a secretary, he was in college. I worked full time, he worked part time and finished his school.
For a year, I was on the pill. I am sure the pill is even better today, compared to 1983. At first I had no idea what was going on, but after a while, I came to realize, I lost one day a month of sick day at work. I didn't understand at first what was happening. I don't know how it works now, but, when I took the pill, there would be a week where a differnt color pill was taken during that time of the month, for about six days, then it would go back to the usual daily pill . Anyway, I know now, I would experience like a morning sickness...(didn't know what morning sickness felt like yet), I would be sick and throw up, with no warning. Yucky feeling all day. This would happen once a month. So, I would feel sick for one whole day every month. I didn't call in sick every single month, but, fairly often. After about a year or so, I noticed that I hardly had any period of any kind at all. This all made me very, very nervous. I discussed me observations with my husband and we both decided not to use the pill and see if my observations were accurate. It had scared me to see my body being altered.
Later, my husband went to seminary as well. We were extremely carefull, so even though I was still off the pill, I did not get pregnant.
One day, it dawned on me, I was close to twenty-six years of age. We were in a church where many young couples were having children, they were much younger than I was.
Well, I better get this comment shortened here. My husband and I began to be careless and prayed to God that He would bless us. We were blessed.
Nothing has been easy. But, I treasure that first child, and the string of children that God has allowed me to have. I treasure each one. My husband does as well.
I treasure that my children are an adorable mix of both me and my husband. Mostly, my husband, actually...lol
Sorry, such a long post..Your blog did it...(being a tease to you, I say, your blogging triggered my sentimental thoughts...)
God bless you. I enjoyed your blog.
Love your husband. I pray, if you and your husband want children, I hope that God will bless you both. I am truly supportive of your desire to allow the Lord to bless you and your husband with children, I support your love to your husband. In this world, sometimes I see a weird thing... Motherhood comes before wife. I am not wanting to give you this impression. From the Bible, I am not sure I get the impression that Mother comes before Wife. I love my children, they are a treasure, but my children are here BECAUSE of my relationship with my husband. All nurture instincts come alive with pregnancy and birth. My husband's own manly instincts kicked in as well. He was always very understanding to my concern over the tiny ones, especially.
I hope I have not labored you with a very long blog.
God bless you in your desires to be a wife, and a future mother, and homemaker.
Sincerely, Marie

12:05 AM, November 05, 2005  
Anonymous Jaime said...

Wow Erin,
I feel so honored you would share so much!
:o)
I support you, Your Opinon's, and My Hubbie and I are praying for you guys.

Since you were so honest and open with such a personal matter,
I have been moved share my story too.

After I had my c-section, a month later i dicovered i had a HUGE hernia at the site of my C-section.
I was told to lose weight,(I was 300lbs)
-Before my pregnancy i only weighed about 210lbs-

I balooned up, and in my 7th month of preggie i got high blood pressure and
preclampsia.

No, I didn't eat alot. In fact, I think i slept though my entier pregnancy.

Well, I just could not lose the weight, and my hernia got even Bigger!
My husband was worried if i got pregnat I could die, or suffer even more,
I had severe Depression from the mistreatment at the hospital and he was freaked out how cruelly I was treated. and my chronic pain made his resolve worse..
David went and got a Vesectomy.
the barrier method wasn't enough for Him.
He was really concerned and wanted to protect me.
So, here we are, a year and a half later, And we discover i Have a Low thyroid (TSH 11.7)!!!!!!
I have been on synthroid for about 4 months.
I lost ALOT of weight, (I am 260 lbs now)but not nearly enough yet to get the sergery.
he has concidered a reversal.
also Concidered Adoption.
We also found out,
After 3 years the male makes antibodies that render his seed useless.
I Don't know what the future holds,
But, I trust God and Honored my Husband though it all.
Right or wrong.
But, Like you said,
If God wants us to get pregnat again,
I have faith he will lead us down the path, and make it happen.
We are Open to this.
after my health is improved, and i am fit.
We also had to "forgive the nurses and OBGYN. I wrote a letter to my OBGYN,
but never mailed it.
It was very helpful to get it out.
If i had to do it agin, I would have ignored her and got a DULA/ Lactation consultant to be there. Someone with credintals. A Registered Nurse. a witness. My Husband was so powerless.
if you would like to know a good dula, I have one i know in the houston area. She helped me try to lactate. I was not producing, Probibly due to my thyriod. Little did i Know. Our Pediatrician gave me a little white pill. it was synthroid, i was afraid to take it and breastfeed at the time. He had tested my TSH previously, but I came back normal.

And I wish to obey, So I pray, taking life one day at a time.
wheew, that was hard..
See any tomatoes or dirt being thrown at me In the distance Erin, Yikes! keep your eye's peeled, I got your Back too!
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Love,
In Christ,
Jaime C.

12:10 AM, November 05, 2005  
Anonymous Jaime said...

Erin, BTW-
If you cannot afford a Dula/Lactation consultant
My hubbie and I offer to help you when the time Comes.
And if you decide to have a baby shower/ Mommie tea party,
please invite me!!!!
You know, I am an excellent baker,(tooooo cute cakes and tea time treats for you!) and I know alot of great gifts and ideas since my daughter is so young and my brain is fresh and can remember.
www.taggies.com
and
www.floppyseat.com
tehehee!!!
Don't forget, to buy only WASHIBLE toys and stuffed animals.
trust me. things could get germy and messy!!

:o)

Love In Christ,
Jaime C.

12:33 AM, November 05, 2005  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hi! I've been reading but not posting. I just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right thing for you and your DH at this point. We were the same I did a lot of research prior to our wedding and we decided not to use the Pill for all the reasons you stated. My DH has said numerous times how happy he is I didn't go on it since he has a lot of friends who's wives changed personality on the Pill.

We used FAM for the first couple of years (married in June 2003) and have recently stopped using anything and are expecting a little one in June 2006! (we still have a few more weeks until the end of the first trimester so it's still hush-hush) We are very excited but as you said we were always open to God pulling a miracle baby on us despite our best efforts to plan. I think your attitude towards life and the blessing of children has a LOT to do with what is right for your family.

All the best on this journey.

6:10 PM, November 06, 2005  
Blogger Carrie said...

Sorry I'm jumping in a little late on this one, but I did want to say I think you're brave for tackling this topic! :)

My hubby and I also believe that this is more of a personal decision between the couple and God. We are (at this time, at least) not opposed to using birth control, as long as it is not the Pill. I'd actually like to learn a lot more about NFP or FAM (although since I'm currently pregnant again, I don't need to learn about it for a little while, LOL!) :) I didn't do enough research into the Pill before marriage and had actually only heard something negative about it from one person up to that point. I checked with my dr. and she told me she felt ethically fine in telling me it did not have abortive properties. However, I shouldn't have just gone by what one dr. told me. I've since found out that a lot of them don't even know much about the Pill! I was on it for the first 2.5 years of marriage. I finally got tired of the way it was messing with my cycles, and went off it, and we used other methods for the next 1.5 years or so until trying to conceive. I got pregnant with Sam right away, and the rest is history!

I know God will show you exactly what's best for you as a couple as you seek His leading! Children are truly a huge blessing, but that time before children come along is also wonderful. Enjoy every minute! :)

1:48 PM, November 07, 2005  

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