Single Home-owning Gals Revisted
Candice Z. Watter's article "Single Female Seeking Homeownership" sparked a lot of controversy in women's circles. Apparently, Mrs. Watters is fully aware of the fray that resulted from her piece, because she's written a follow-up article. While I'm not sure if I agree with every bit of her theology, I think her points are very interesting and worthy of consideration. I definitely see a contradiction between the stated desires and decisions made by many women my age. This disconnect was especially evident within my girl's circle at college. More on that later! For now, here's a particularly insightful thought from Watters:
Marriage is not something you acquire; like a degree, or a job, or even a home. It's something you enter, with great humility and self-sacrifice. It requires selflessness, interdependence and the ultimate commitment. How do you prepare for such a thing? You don't do it by becoming as independent as possible. Still that seems to be the mantra of many Christian single women today.
Marriage is not something you acquire; like a degree, or a job, or even a home. It's something you enter, with great humility and self-sacrifice. It requires selflessness, interdependence and the ultimate commitment. How do you prepare for such a thing? You don't do it by becoming as independent as possible. Still that seems to be the mantra of many Christian single women today.
posted by Erin | 2:11 PM
3 Comments:
I tried to comment yesterday, but my internet provider was so slow, I couldn't get through.
I have been thinking a lot about single Christian ladies, and even have done 2 posts this month about them. So this post was great for me.
I agree that in most cases staying at home until married is the best
for women, for all the reasons stated in the article.
I agree because I have seen it in the lives of friends and aquaintances. Moving forward towards independence is a good way to resign yourself to a life of singleness. Independence is a more masculine trait than a feminine one. Good Christian men are not drawn to independent women. And who wants a man that is not a good Christian?
I am not saying that there are not exceptions or that all women who live alone are horrible or even unspiritual. I am just saying that if you're interested in marrying a strong Christian man who will be a man of God, stay home! Thats where he'll be looking!
just my 2 cents!
R
Again with the double standard though. If marriage is about interdependence, then surely the independence of single young men is just as detrimental to their future marriages as the independence of single young women. Aren't men after all more inclined to cling stubbornly to that independence after marriage? Aren't they the ones who are more likely to require the lessons of interdependence prior to marriage? I am generalizing obviously, but the point is I don't see a particular advantage in women only staying at home.
I also have to say that developing an independent spirit is actually great preparation for marriage in young women. If my husband has to work over the weekend, I am perfectly self-sufficient and happy to entertain myself. We like spending time together and we are there when we need each other, but we are quite capable of spending time apart.
The strain I have seen in a lot of marriages occurs when husband has work pressures but wife wants him home for the weekend, or husband has got tight deadlines at work and wife needs him to make decisions on the home front in the middle of all his stress. I think it is key for both partners have a spirit of independence for those times when the other partner isn't there.
I don't know...when my hubby met me I was living in a home left to me by my mother. I am glad he is a man who is strong in his identity. He's my sweetie!
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