Reflections on life, marriage, and purpose...by a young woman who is constantly learning how much there will always be to learn!


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Never Truly Hopeless

The past few days have been crazy-busy with out of town company and two family birthdays. Hence, not a good time for the reemergence of a certain familiar malady!

I can only be honest: I have struggled with depression ever since high school. I guess this often accompanies the melancholic personality, and is further demonstrated by the fact that I always did aspire to be a writer or some type of artist. (Hmm...maybe things would be different if I had striven to be a birthday party clown?:o)

Usually, I'm fine...but if I let things get me down, I can tend to dwell on them which only pertpetuates the problem. Thank God I have a husband who tries to help me break this "stinkin thinkin" cycle by encouraging me and trying to help me refocus! Though depression can sometimes be hormonal in nature, I think it's perpetuated in the brain. I have found that when I force myself to start thinking about my blessings and God's goodness--though it doesn't always remove the inner ache--it does allow me to go forward with a strength not my own. It allows me to turn my focus outward again.

My job used to contribute to my depression, because it felt so unfulfilling to me. Now that I'm at home (and loving it!:o) there are other factors. I've noticed that they tend to be mostly instances where I allow myself to become hopeless about something. Or I berate myself for my failures. Or I allow myself to feel as though I'm not contributing anything of meaning to the lives of those around me.

I'm thankful that God saw fit to give us the writings of a man who knew what it was to struggle, entertain doubts and hopelessness--a man who wrote: How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?

David knew there was only One who could help him.

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence...

You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry...

...I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes for him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

If you are struggling with anything today, remember God's love for you. Read through the Psalms and be reminded that you are not alone in your pain. Not only are all of us in pain of some kind, we have our Savior, Jesus Christ, who suffered the ultimate pain all because of His love for US! Yes...measly us. I will try to remember my own advice in the hours and days ahead:o) None of us can be truly hopeless in Christ...thank the the Lord!

5 Comments:

Blogger Leigh said...

Erin,

You are not alone! Sometimes I get in terrible "moods" and I have to have a heart to heart with God, and ask Him to remove the "mood" from me. It isn't always instaneous, but it does lift. God is so merciful, isn't He? :) I am so glad you have a husband that understands you.

Did I mention that I love your blog? hehe Have a great day.

Leigh

2:08 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger Samantha said...

Erin,
I know how you feel. I am often very sensitive, and value the opinion of others more than I should. Sometimes I feel like I beat myself up about things that don't really matter very much! Also, I think that your blog definately serves as a minisry to other young women. Even though you can't physically see them, they are getting encouragement from your words! Thank you for reminding us to find strength in the Lord!

8:05 PM, February 08, 2006  
Blogger sunshinedaily4me_wuz_here said...

I got the link to your blog from another blog I regularly read. I REALLY enjoy reading your blog. I will check back often if you don't mind. I have to say AMEN to this post. I too, have struggled with depression in the past and it still affects me today. It makes you feel even more guilty, as a Christian (I think) cause we DO have so many things to be thankful for. I think though, keeping focused on Christ and what he has done for us and how much he has given us when we deserve NOTHING does help. And those verses from Psalms and David are really good too. I know its hard and you feel bad even when there is "no good reason" - but CHIN UP and know that you are not alone and it will get better! Keep posting and I'll keep reading. Visit my blog if you get the chance. I always enjoy new readers.

10:43 AM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Mrs.B. said...

How wonderful, Erin, that you shared something so personal and so 'real'. I'm sure there will be people who will read your words and be encouraged! And when you feel that you're not contributing towards anything...remember that you do in the blog world! I love your posts and check often to see if you've written something else. (o:

12:48 PM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger Erin said...

You guys are all the sweetest:o) It brightens my day to receive encouragement like this!

I have debated with myself how appropriate it is to share these types of personal struggles on this blog...but I've decided that there's no reason to pretend to perfection! How silly would that be of me?;o)

The wonderful thing about our God is that He loves us no matter what and can work in us through our struggles and pain! Maybe He can also use the admission of struggles and pain to touch someone else. At least...I know that I always identify the most with people who are genuine!

Sunshine-Thanks for reading!:o)

11:57 AM, February 10, 2006  

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